Greg* closes his psychology textbook and looks up, his curly hair flopping back down onto his forehead. “Can we do this interview quickly please?” he asks, “I’d like to go and roll a spliff”. He sighs and nestles himself amongst the pillows on the couch, preparing himself for the questions he expects. “I have an idea”, he tells me, “let me just tell you my story and if it’s not enough you can ask me the questions afterwards”. He is so confident himself, so sure that his idea is better. And so he begins…

When Greg arrived at Rhodes for the first time in February, he had convinced himself that it was going to be a new, drug-free beginning for him. His conscious decision to leave his old habits back home in Johannesburg was made so that he could get the most that he could out of his studies. He was going try as hard as he could to stay far away from all forms of drugs. And he managed this feat for the entire duration of first term. He remained clean despite many temptations and offers. He felt that he had adjusted wonderfully to university life in its entirety; the work load, the parties and the freedom. He had forged many friendships with people in his residence and his hall and was enjoying his courses. He was genuinely happy for the first time in a long time.

However, when second term rolled around, Greg realized that he was faced with exams and eight grueling weeks away from home. He began to panic and gradually slipped into a deep depression. He could not tell his parents; he could not bear the thought of possibly disappointing them again. So he began to smoke marijuana, first occasionally and then daily. “I did it to escape from the place that I was at in my head,” he says. “I wished that I could go back to the days when I was a kid and all I did each day was kick a ball around the yard. But I couldn’t do that, so I started using drugs again”. However, when his friends began to disappoint him and let him down in many ways, he turned to heavier drugs such as LSD, ecstasy and cocaine. He did not think that he was doing anything wrong. “It might be an addiction, but it really doesn’t feel that way!” he says, while he flicks a zipper that is hanging loose from one of the cushions on the couch. “Since grade ten my life has been a blur of drugs; it’s kind of like I’m immune to any bad effects that they could have on me” he states as he looks straight ahead of him at the blue sky outside. Since the second term, Greg has spent over R7 000 on drugs. He knows that drugs are bad but he feels indifferent towards them. Greg smiles a secret smile (it is his trademark, you can never be quite sure what the reason behind a smile from Greg is) and leans forward as if he wants to share a secret and says “Don’t worry about me. What I do isn’t so bad, I really enjoy it. It opens my mind to another reality, it’s the ultimate reality”.

Greg knows that in the long run, his drug abuse will have serious consequences. However, he is having fun, he does not have to face the reality of his own depression, and he does not have to deal with responsibilities. His life consists of a series of highs and lows one after the other that transport him from his own living hell to his idea of utopia. He says that when he is ready, he will face his problems and he knows that he will be able to stop taking drugs when the time is right. He reaches across the couch and grabs a small box and some rizler, and walks to the door. “Time for me to get grilled”, he says, grinning to himself.

* Names have been changed

By Calli Roberts